When my husband was first diagnosed with cancer (laryngeal), he had to have an emergency tracheotomy. The cancer was blocking his airway when he would lay down. Sitting up, his airway was only as big around as a strand of spaghetti.
Once he got his trach, he just kept getting sicker. We had been told that, as a whole, laryngeal cancers had nearly a 90% cure rate. So we were able, most of the time, to remain upbeat and positive. We found out later (after chemo and radiation was completed) that my husband fell into the 10% group that have what's called a "fixed" or paralyzed larynx. In that group, the survival rate is not as optimistic. It is more like a 20% cure rate and even of those, many have a recurrance of the cancer within the first couple of years.
Anyway, initially we stayed fairly upbeat and positive. But then he became sicker and sicker. He couldn't eat. He couldn't drink. He went from 170 pounds down to 115, nothing but skin and bones. He did nothing but sleep. He could barely walk. I spent much of my time crying. I called my kids and told them I didn't think he was going to make it. I tried to remain positive around him but it was getting extremely hard.
Then, I did something I should have done from the beginning! I went to God and told Him that I was placing my husband in His loving hands! If it was time for my husband to die, I just asked for the strength to deal with it. Up until that point, I had only been praying for healing. I told God that I trusted Him to do what was best and that I knew all things work together for good for those that trust in the Lord. I spent a long time on my knees that day. Some of it praying, some of it just being still, some crying. When I was done, God had filled me with such peace that I knew whatever happened, God was in control and I would be alright.
From that day forward my husband started improving. I'm not saying he didn't still have really bad days. And I also had really bad days. But there was steady improvement! And although he is on permanent disability, he is able to work some now and he has been in remission for 4 and 1/2 years!
I'd like to say that I've learned my lesson and that I now always remember to put EVERYTHING in God's loving hands. I don't. I still foolishly try to pray for what I think is best before something ends up happening to remind me once again that God ALWAYS knows what's best and is ALWAYS in control!
Anne S
Maine
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